Beautiful Boy

Four years ago today, my life completely changed. I had absolutely no idea what was in store for me. Ezra Charles arrived November 6, 2005 - a little before 5 in the evening. He was beautiful. He was calm. He was my little boy.

Its probably not very "PC" to say this, but I was not one of those mothers who looked down upon their child and sighed something like..."I never knew what love was before you..." or " I never knew that I could love someone so much...." No, I looked down at those big blue eyes and thought to myself, "what have I done?"

I suddenly realized that my life as I knew it was over. What I didn't realize however, was how like the caterpillar and the butterfly having a child was like. (Although at times I feel less like a butterfly and more like a stink bug....) It wasn't that my life was over- it just changed into something new, completely unexpected and beautiful. And that little baby boy crept slowly and irreplaceably into my heart.

And while its true that sometimes I feel like I am acting out scenes from Mommy Dearest, I am a better person and have a better life- one that I could not have known other-wise because of this baby blue.

Ezra is so smart. He says the most amazing things. (This morning for example, he couldn't understand why he didn't feel any older than 3- and why his voice hadn't changed.) He sees everything. He is wise beyond his years. He loves music. He loves to snuggle. He loves to cook. He is as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside. He has a huge imagination. He has 2 invisible alien friends that live in our house on work-study from Jupiter.

I wouldn't give up what I have now, what I am just on the tip of understanding, for anything.

I can't believe how fast these 4 years have gone. It truly is a blink of an eye.

Happy 4th birthday Ezra Blue. I am so grateful that you were born.

I love you so much.