Do you have a life list? A bucket list if you will? (I'm not fond of that term really....) What is on it? What are the little things that make you smile knowing that you have accomplished them...checked them off your list? What are the big ticket items- the ones that make your heart beat faster knowing that you have done them...or have yet to accomplish them...or yet to even dream of them? I made a list like this last year- as a sort of milestone for the upcoming year. Did I accomplish all of them? No. Some of them I might never get to check the box or cross off the list (like having a role in a movie, large or small that makes the audience cry and garners me an Academy nomination) but I will continue to believe that they are always a possibility, they out there for this little life of mine.
Others I did get to cross of the list- like having one more baby, teaching Ezra how to ride a bike, to take more pictures, renovate the bedroom- (okay, that one is only partially crossed off....) Then there are the ones that I hope to see in next few years materialize- having an actual brick & mortar store, the whole family traveling to as many countries as we can name (not all in one trip), to get away with Jamie for a short time, just the two of us....
There are ones that I hope I will make happen every year- like making the children's birthdays as magical as and memorable as my mother made mine. To celebrate as many occasions with family as possible. To let everyone in my life know how very much they are loved. Then there are the ones that happen specifically in this month- amassing huge quantities of pumpkins. Jumping in as many leaf piles I can rake. Creating costumes from scratch. Taking walks with the children- with Jamie- to enjoy the autumn air and colors, holding their hands for as long as I can. Then there is this one, specific to this year...to this month- to turn 40 as gracefully and graciously as I can.
My birthday. This is one of the many reasons October has such ties to my heart...an end of an age... a beginning of a new one. Not just for me every year, but for the seasons as well. The changing of the color guard, if you will- and all of their comforts switching from one to the other. Like the lingering summer weather in fall who coolly hands the baton over to winter to finish the year's relay race. Together October and I change. I learn each October to appreciate time more. More time. All of the time we have, have had-are going to have...the sweet fleeting fragility of time. I am most reminded in October of the time some never got to have. October is a bittersweet kiss, warm like cider- cool like morning frost. Comforting and haunting. Filled with the most memories that make me, me. So beautiful, October- my life- always changing...vibrant, beautiful, and unpredictable. I will continue to add onto my list- to check things off- to dream of what the next year, or the next 40 may hold.